Kitsch City, USA

Where can you go to experience such fun as riding down a hill in a big plastic ball? Gatlinburg (and the surrounding area), of course! We retooled our spring break after Justin was scheduled to work two days of it, heading to Tennessee instead of Charleston, SC. We had fun keeping roadside America alive. The mountains were pretty, too, but we think one comes here for the tourist trappiness.

Kim went Zorbing! There are just two places in the world to go right now--Rotura and the Smokies. It makes one feel pretty loopy but is a terrific experience, complete with a friendly staff and AAA discounts. Justin and Elijah hung out on the ground.

In other thrills, Kim rode the Gatlinburg Sky Lift. This ride scared her more than Zorbing but provided detailed views of the town and excellent conditions for people watching. Riding at dusk showed tourist civilization in its best light. Justin and Elijah again hung out on the ground.

Then, there were also tourist attractions that did not require release of liability forms or a willingness to catch a moving chair. We took in Christ in the Smokies, the "new" Christus Gardens. We're very glad the museum has reopened, enjoying the finely-lit nativity scene and the informal exhibit of Jesus movie memorabilia the most. The gift shop is still sparse, but the museum is worthy of your support. Justin can tell you all about its history--we've ebayed for old pamplets and guidebooks from it, and he can explain the symbolism in the scenes and can even point out the "recycled" wax figures now included.

We also visited World of Illusions museum which Kim had last visited at the age of 10 with her dad. It looked old then--and still does today--but is pretty fascinating despite its simplicity and its pre-CGI inception. If you are willing to read the descriptions on the walls, you can learn a bit of magic whiling away 30 minutes. We worry that boardwalk museums--especially those that aren't part of a chain--will become a thing of the past and support them every chance we get. World of Illusions was open "until 10 or 11 [PM] or so" according to the ticket agent when we were there. Sounds like it's going strong.

For a truly trippy putt putt experience, we did Circus Blacklight Mini Golf. It's pretty spectacular low budget fun. We didn't pay extra for the 3-D glasses: it's a good thing--there were many abandoned pairs throughout the course. With glasses, this place would be downright disorienting, but without them, it was an unusual break from the heat of the day. Justin and Kim had one hole-in-one each.

On the Gatlinburg Craft Loop, we saw many non-crafts (manufactured items) but also picked up some great woodworking, particularly at Tim Weberding Woodworking. Justin is very impressed by the shaped candles at Village Candles, and we all enjoyed the welcoming attitude of Alewine Pottery.

If you go, we recommend Alamo steakhouse (particularly the Gatlinburg location) for yummy steaks and the Donut Friar in Gatlinburg's Village for delicious breakfast. The Brookside is a reasonable, family-oriented place to stay. We also get a kick out of the Hollywood Wax Museum--not Madame Tussaud's, but fun and interactive nonetheless. The best place to buy local books seems to be the National Park bookstores. For shopping, there is cheap, interesting jewelry at Earthbound and unique perfume in Scents of Gatlinburg's Southern Rain. Pigeon Forge's Christmas Place is worth a stop, too--but is better stocked summer and fall than spring. If coming from the north, it's an easy visit on the way in, as is Bass Pro Shop Outdoor World--a great place for taxidermy and many flavors of moonpies.

There's plenty of odd things to do here, making it an interesting mecca for us. The Titanic museum, a new construction with a lifesize grand staircase, opened the day we returned home, so we must go back. Someday, we'll go on the Jurassic Boat Ride, too, and I'll take Justin on that spectacular American "nature" trek that is Clingman's Dome...